Part 2

My car bumped into the driveway, tires giving an undignified squeak.

Ivy still wasn't talking to me, and I could tell she was fighting her hunger, but at least she'd stopped crying. Her eyes were solid black, and she refused to meet my gaze. I rolled up the window I'd cracked to help vent off our mingling scents and pushed my door open.

I went around the car, opening her door, and offered a hand to help her out.

As if vying for some control of the situation, Ivy refused my hand and pulled herself out. She was unsteady on her feet, though, the loss of her aura leaving her a bit off balance. I stayed close in case she needed help, but I was afraid to touch her in case it sparked an attack.

"Rachel," her voice was weak, and I turned my head to see her. My tangle of red hair blew into my face, and I pulled it out of my mouth as I fumbled for the key to the front door. "I can't do this. I won't take your blood."

Lock clicking, I pushed the front door open.

She came to a halt in the doorway, her short black hair looking attractive from being tossed in the cold winter wind. Her hands were clenched into fists at her sides, and I could see the tension in her stance, every muscle wire-tight, and I feared she might bolt at the slightest movement.

"Ivy, it's okay. Please, trust me."

That seemed to get through to her. The tension in her stance lessened, and I could see her beginning to cave in. I had to pounce on that while I could, or she would run from me. No matter how weak she was, she would find a way to run back to Rynn if I let her.

"C'mon, you're letting all the heat out."

Almost mechanically, she took a few steps inside the sanctuary and shut the double doors behind her. She shifted her weight and held her arm awkwardly, looking vulnerable. Unable to help myself now that we were in the safety of our church, I closed the space between us and threw my arms around her in a hug. I pulled her against me, despite the rigid tension that had flowed back into her.

We stood there, my head resting against her collar bone, the scent of incense overwhelming my senses, while she refused to put her arms around me. It wasn't surprising, of course. Ivy guarded her emotions so carefully, always keeping them buried deep inside of her. And after what had happened between her and Skimmer in the jail only an hour ago, I didn't blame her.

That bitch had used her. Was still using her. Playing Ivy's feelings against herself, hurting her, making her hate herself.

Skimmer had almost made Ivy fall again, pushing her so close to the brink of losing herself, and she'd done it to hurt me as much as she'd done it to hurt Ivy. She'd wanted to push Ivy, to make her tear into her throat while I watched. Skimmer wanted me to see what Ivy was like when she fed, and when it turned into sex... I shivered at the thought of their mingled blood letting and sex. She had wanted me to watch as Ivy became a savage animal, all instinct, to drive me away.

As messed up as it was, Skimmer still loved her. And she was jealous of me because I had Ivy's attention.

I wasn't with Ivy, we were only friends, but Skimmer only saw Ivy's devotion to me in the protection she'd extended to me when we'd moved in together. Ivy loved me, though. She loved me though I constantly hurt her. She loved me even though I'd turned her down again and again. She loved me, knowing I may never love her back, and had devoted herself to me in other ways.

What had she said when I was in the hospital?

"You scare the ever-loving crap out of me even as I want to wrap myself up in your soul and be safe. I'm sick, wanting what scares me. You have hurt me. You will again. I don't care. That's the sick part. That's why I don't touch you anymore. I'm addicted to your little white lies. I want love, but I can't live with myself if I make you hurt me again. I don't want pain to feel like love."

But Ivy terrified me, too. She was beautiful and fragile underneath the wall she'd erected around her feelings, and the few times she'd opened up to me I'd seen Ivy for who she was. Not the vampire, so easily controlled by her instincts, but as my friend, my roommate.

I was an ass for hurting her. But I was afraid of what would happen if we shared blood again. I remembered the first time she'd bitten me, in Nick's van. How her teeth had felt in me, as she pulled on me, our auras mixing together. It had felt amazing. Like I was filling a void in her that no one else could. The raw love I'd felt, that I'd given, was completely unlike any sexual encounter. But then I'd told her I couldn't do more, that I wouldn't have sex with her, and she'd divorced her love from her hunger. And she'd nearly killed me. She let her vampire savagery take over, muting her feelings, and nearly bled me to death.

I'd been so stupid. Even afterwards, lying in my own blood and barely conscious, when Jenks had threatened to kill her with a sword to her throat, I'd found the strength to defend her, and loved her still. She'd been crying, hating herself, and had resigned herself to death. She'd believed she deserved it.

I remembered what she'd told me not long ago: don't come to me again unless you can give me everything.

Was I willing to do that? I remembered the gentleness of her touch in the van, possessive and careful all at once, and shivered at the memory.

Ivy felt my shiver, too, and I felt her breathing stop short.

I'd pushed a button, I knew... and I wanted to push another.

Stupid witch, I thought to myself. You're going to get yourself killed. But I had to show her that she was worth the pain and difficulty she'd brought to our lives. That she was worth saving. That she was worth loving. If I didn't touch her, she wouldn't believe that she was worth the emotional baggage she brought to both our lives.

I exhaled my breath across the skin of her throat, and I felt her suddenly go stiff. I looked up, seeing her black eyes fixed hungrily on me. Two years ago, I would have been scared shitless. But I'd learned. I'd lived with a blood-abstinent vampire who slept across the hall from me.

"Rachel?" She was frightened... I could tell by the quake in her voice, by the crease in that perfect brow. "Rachel... I can't..." I could feel the beginnings of her pulling away, and I held tighter.

"Yes, you can," I stated simply, trying to force her to feel what I was feeling.

"No, I can't... I told you-" She was wiggling, fighting weakly out of my hold even while combating her hunger.

"-All or nothing," I finished for her, keeping my eyes locked on hers. "I know."

She searched my face, and I saw hurt blossom in her eyes. "You know I can't do this, Rachel. I won't have you reject me again. You can't give me what I want. I can't take your blood without..." Tears appeared at the corners of her eyes, and one slipped out to run down her cheek.

I reached up and wiped it away slowly, and smiled.

"I know."

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